The Cleansing Snow

As I was driving home from work this past Friday, the snow was starting to fall and it was beautiful, even peaceful.

Sitting at a stoplight, I was reminded of a gospel song written by Robert Lowry called "Nothing But the Blood". The refrain is simple but powerful: "Oh! Precious is the flow that makes me white as snow, no other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus."

As I remembered that song, I started thinking about how the snow covers everything...Nothing is left uncovered. It falls gently and with purpose. Much like God's love and ultimately, God's grace.

The last several years of my life have been full of pain, change and at times submission. You might even call it a drought. In 2006, my life appeared to be "set". Everything that I thought I wanted was before me and moreover, I felt as if God had brought me through in so many amazing ways that nothing could change. I felt as if I'd laid everything down, walked away from my "life" and went forward to where I thought He'd called me.

Did He call me? Yes....I still believe He did. But, it was not for the reason I thought. God's plans are not ours and He had more in store for me. Change can often seem like being on the other end of a bungee cord and trust me....I have been on it.

In many ways, my heart has been underneath the snow for the last 4 years. All the sudden and painful changes caused it to function in crisis mode and then when the crisis was gone....it never returned to life. It became frozen underneath the snow and at best, only thawing out on occassion. After all, once frozen, there is no sensation and no need to change....But when the warmth begins to return, there is pain from the effects of the frostbite.

I realize I have lost my passions. I have laid things down that He never asked me to. My emotions have become numb and the only familiar feeling is that of exhaustion and withdrawal.

Worship has become painful because it was my precious connection to Him. The voice that I once had, is gone. Writing, which never used to be a problem, is like plowing in a hard and dry field. My mind is confused and at times disconnected. In the place of confidence and openness, confusion and fear have come in and taken up residence.

One of my favorite books is Hannah Hurnard's "Hinds' Feet on High Places". In the opening pages she says, "As Christians we know, in theory at least, that in the life of a child of God there are no second causes, that even the most unjust and cruel things, as well as all seemingly pointless and undeserved sufferings have been permitted by God as a glorious opportunity for us to react to them in such a way that our Lord and Savior is able to produce in us, little by little, His own lovely character."

She goes on to say, " The only way is by learning to accept, day by day, the actual conditions and tests permitted by God, by a continually repeated laying down of our own will and acceptance of His as it is presented to us in the form of the people with whom we have to live and work, and in the things which happen to us. Every acceptance of His will becomes an altar of sacrifice and every surrender and abandonement of ourselves to His will is a means of furthering us on the way to the High Places to which He desires to bring every child of His while they are still living on earth."

The story, an allegory, is about Much Afraid and her journey to the High Places.

God has called me and all of us to Him and asked each of us to journey to His High Place for us. By just existing day to day, I have remained frozen and stagnant. I know that I can't do what I did 4 years ago.....Nothing fits anymore. There is a new "pattern" that has been set forth and as I am cleansed by His grace and by His blood, I will begin to learn the way to go.

Last weekend, God gave me a picture of a yellow flower blooming through concrete. I think He was trying to show me that although the concrete had covered up the roots, that Life still prevails. Even when it hurts so bad, Life prevails.

The challenge I face, is to allow God's warmth and grace to thaw my heart. As that happens, I also have to allow Him to heal the places that have become unkept and damaged by the frost. It will not be without pain, but I know that ultimately there is Life.

His love covers everything.